автор: Artemis

My head hurts, coffee, It`s dark outside. New guy. forgot about him I know what love is. I don`t love him.
I think of you after all this time with no meaning between us only words only tears only unfinished love letters uncertain outbursts of pain and sadness. I can`t think my eyes are moist my brain hurts my throat trapped. I want to scream but I am weak. What ifs and might have beens control my life. I am living off of memories and dreams. The future is calling me, opening the door for me, I insult it, turn my back and look at the past, thinking it is only for the last time. I can`t forgive (I have forgiven, I just can`t forget) but I want to, it would save me so much trouble and tears. Fear is not valid now sadness beats it and insanity too. No poetry left. I am dry and frozen at the same time. No flow going through me. Nothing to make me loose control except the emptiness and the trivial. I am afraid to look at the mirror I have seen my eyes loose color and become glass. When I am sad I search for warmth. When scared I pretend. When uncomfortable I am careful. Imitation is suicide, I have killed myself. My chest craving smoke. It is more desired than air now. A bad habit, a slow poison, a commitment I will keep for long.. I am shaking .. you will never know. Why do you insist on the abnormal, it leaves you screwed up every time. Just like in running, my body is not tired I am just out of breath. I am afraid of drowning, yet I love swimming. I admire productivity I can`t do it anymore I am so young so untroubled, so spoiled by life and yet I pity myself. I keep my wild side a captive because I am afraid it will destroy me, when at the same time I am sucking all the life out of me but calmly, politely. How? How did I let my soul change and turn into corny colors When did I become so arrogant and stopped living for real?